Mercy, Guilt, and The Great Man............

     I was overcome with guilt this week, with the aftermath of the death of a great man. You see, as a survivor of cancer myself, everytime some one passes from cancer, I am remorseful that I have benefited from a combination of the miracles of modern medical science and technology, and also (and most importantly) the absolute incredible mercy and grace of the Almighty God above, who has spared my life on MORE than one occasion ; ranging from a gun to my head in the notorious 7th Ward of New Orleans in the late 1990's, to my  then - terminal prognosis with stomach cancer in 2005, and then my subsequent experience  IN Hurricane Katrina (literally) just a few short months later. I should have ALREADY BEEN DEAD more times than I can count (figuratively), and so when ever someone that I've had the privilege to know (and in some cases to love and admire) passes away, especially from the absolute worst scourge against humanity that there has been in the disease of cancer, then I am always torn apart emotionally at the thought that it should have been ME that has suffered the loss of my life ; instead of the ones who have passed on after these recent years of additional life that I have been both fortunate and privileged to live.
    
     Surely I do not kid myself ----- I realize just how incredibly blessed that I am to have been given a "new lease on life" , and while I have been making the most of my opportunities (through my return to college to pursue my degree and my old dream of a writing career), I'm not totally naive to think that at ANY TIME , and at any moment ; that the proverbial rug could be "pulled out from beneath me", and the sobering diagnosis that the cancer has in fact returned ; I live in fear of that possibility every single day, but yet I'm comforted by the fact that God has chosen to spare my life so many times because he has a PURPOSE for me in this world; and one that I hope to fufill at some point when He sees fit to reveal just what it actually is.

      Recently about 3 months ago, I experienced some anxiety when having a procedure done at the Indiana University Hospital in Bloomington ; which was a sigmoidoscopy (a lesser version of a colonoscopy) to see if I have remained cancer - free over the last few years. After originally being diagnosed with colon cancer in May of 2003 (my colon, as the doctor at the time told me, was covered in THOUSANDS of polyps) and having my entire colon removed (I literally have a "artificial" colon, which in medical terminology is refered to as a "J-Pouch"), in March of 2005 I was given the devastating news that not only had the cancer returned, but had spread upward into my stomach (which at the time , I had experienced symptoms that I knew couldn't be good, by coughing up HUGE amounts of blood at a time, but dismissed it as just being an ulcer), and the sobering reality that my prognosis was more than likely terminal ----- a sentence of death for a man who was only 37 and a half years into his life. It was a crushing blow, both physically and emotionally. There has been nothing worse in my life than the knowledge that I was about to DIE, and that there was absolutely NOTHING that I could do about it. I can not even begin to describe just what the mental anguish is like, when you have the knowledge that you ARE going to die. It is sheer agony of the worst kind, a sort of "mental Hell". I had actually tried to come to terms with my situation, and even resolved myself to making light of my unfortunate reality , by making morbid jokes to my close friends and loved ones that I was a 'dead man walking' . But it was certainly no laughing matter, to say the least. My situation slowly began to worsen, and my doctor / gastreonologist had told my brother (who had began looking after me by this point) that there was really not a whole lot else that they could do for me , other than the option of sending me to M.D. Anderson Medical Center in Houston, Texas (the most renowned cancer treatment hospital in the United States) to live out my final months of life.

      But then, as I like to sometimes now refer to it:  "my miracle happened" ; as I lay in a hospital bed in East Jefferson General Hospital in Metairie (suburban New Orleans) one day, my doctor (and a wonderful and compassionate human being by the name of Dr. David Silvers), burst in through the door to my room, and with an excitement in his voice , said to me: "Mr. Hirstius !!! I have WONDERFUL news!!! I found someone who has agreed to take your case!!!" And that someone just happened to be one of the most renowned cancer surgeons in the entire United States, who just happened to be on staff at a hospital right across town, at Tulane Medical Center in downtown New Orleans. His name was Dr. Ralph Corsetti, who specializes in a rare (but extremely risky) procedure (and in most cases, LIFE-SAVING technique) known as a pancreaticoduodenectomy, or as it is more commonly refered to, "The Whipple" ---- a procedure that is very similar in nature to a "stomach staple" surgery for individuals who have weight gain /obesity issues, with the difference being that in the Whipple procedure, the cancerous tissue is removed , or 'cut out' from the stomach ; the stomach then subsequently is reconstructed, in the hopes that the individual will (with the commitment to lifestyle change and better new eating habits) adapt to the alteration to the stomach over time and be able to maintain a somewhat normal life.  On July 12, 2005 ( I will always remember the date because it is the day that I got a second chance, or a 'new lease' on life), the nearly 6-hour long procedure was done successfully by Dr. Corsetti and his team of surgeons, and I now approach nearly 7 years later , the opportunity to continue LIVING my life, the same life that was nearly lost from this horrendous curse upon mankind that is cancer. Ironically, my life was jeopardized yet again during my period of recuperation after the surgery, when Hurricane Katrina made landfall on August 29th (I did NOT evacuate from New Orleans). But that of course, is completely an entirely different story that I will save for some other time...................

     Now back to those most recent anxious moments a few months ago at Bloomington Hospital : the procedure was done and a biopsy conducted with one of the few polyps that was found , and the result was that I remain cancer-free. I couldn't be any happier with that news , but yet this morning I still write this with a very heavy heart, as I think about the people in my life that have been less fortunate than I have been ; the people who haven't been BLESSED as I truly am, to have had their lives spared by an awesome and incredibly loving God ! It remains a frustration to me that the second chance that I have been given, still eludes others who have been afflicted with this terrible disease.

      One of those other persons was that great man that I mentioned at the beginning of this post. He was memorialized yesterday at a ceremony in Denham Springs (suburban Baton Rouge), and he was a most special human being. He was a native of Morgan City, Louisiana and a long time resident of Baton Rouge; where he worked for (and had recently retired as a security supervisor) a grocery industry shipping plant and frozen foods warehouse;  A loving and caring man who enjoyed life to the fullest, and an absolute joy to be around ; he was a passionate football fan and loved his LSU Fighting Tigers, and also (near and dear to my own heart, as well) the New Orleans Saints ; he loved to boil crawfish and to spend quality time with his family and friends, and he was a loving father (to a grown son and daughter), brother (to 5 siblings), grandfather (to eight grandchildren, with the 9th to arrive shortly), husband  (to the lady who raised me as a teenager after my Mom died in 1981, Ms. Genie Barber - Bruno), and friend. He was loved by EVERYONE that had the absolute privilege to have known him and he will be terribly missed for a very, very long time. Mr. James Dale "Jimmy" Bruno Sr, I will miss you, sir ------ for the rest of the days of my own life, that I truly wish that you could still be a part of ...................................